


Say Bonsoir

by sunken_ships (sunken__ships)



Series: C'est Moi 'Verse [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex Herc and John all have ridiculous crushes on Laf, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, James is Done with Tjeff's shit, Laf is flirty af, M/M, Multi, Pre-Slash, Tjeffs also has a ridiculous crush on Laf, Unresolved Sexual Tension, aroace James, but does he like them back?? ;))), gay Peggy, no one else is straight either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6611326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunken__ships/pseuds/sunken_ships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Just a minute,” Lafayette called back, before dropping his voice again, fiddling with the hood on his American flag onesie. “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”<br/>John’s face fell. “Wait, what?”</p><p>In an effort to deter Thomas Jefferson and his crush on Lafayette, Lafayette asks John to do him a favour. John is more than happy to oblige.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PaperThinRevolutionary (SingFortissimo)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingFortissimo/gifts).



> so this was meant to be part of my fic 'C'est moi', but it got too long so i decided to make it separate. dedicated to krys bc of all the help and also to repay the favour!  
> also i think alex mentions something about a club in this, and for those who haven't come from 'C'est moi', just to let u know, the boys have a little club called the Laf Trash Club where they discuss how in love with laf they are

     The question was popped as they were walking up the pathway to the Schuyler’s house. Hercules, Alex, Lafayette and John had been invited over to have a pizza night with some of their friends (and some of their _not_ friends, in the case of Thomas Jefferson and James Madison). Angelica – for some reason that Alex had always found utterly baffling – had always had a soft spot for Jefferson, and where Jefferson went, Madison followed.

     So a pizza night with Eliza, Angelica, Peggy, Jefferson, and Madison it was. Onesies were compulsory, despite the warm weather.

     The question at hand was from Lafayette. He grabbed John’s arm and pulled him to a stop as the other two had continued walking up the path. “John,” he whispered. “Can I ask a favour?”

     John frowned. “Yeah, sure thing, Laf. What’s the matter?”

     “You know Jefferson’s gonna be there, right?”

     John nodded, and pushed his sleeves up on his turtle onesie. “Unfortunately.”

     “And you know how he’s kind of obsessed with France?”

     John nodded again, slowly. “Yeah…?”

     Lafayette pointed to himself. “I’m French.”

     “Good observation.”

     Lafayette rolled his eyes. “Jefferson has the biggest fucking crush on me.”

     John gawked. “No shit?”

     Lafayette hesitated. “Well, he has a big fucking crush on the _idea_ of me. Like, whenever I end up talking to him, he literally spends the entire time practically worshipping the ground I walk on. Just because I’m from France.”

     “Why is this the first I’m hearing about this?” John whispered frantically.

     Lafayette grimaced. “Because it’s embarrassing. Would _you_ like to admit that _Thomas Jefferson_ wants to sleep with you? And probably talk dirty to him in French?”

     John shuddered in disgust at the thought. “Good point. What’s the favour you wanted to ask?”

     “Hey, what’s the hold-up?” Hercules called from the Schuyler’s doorstep.

     “Just a minute,” Lafayette called back, before dropping his voice again, fiddling with the hood on his American flag onesie. “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

     John’s face fell. “Wait, what?”

     The front door opened and Angelica smiled widely. Her onesie was pastel pink, and had ears and a horn – a unicorn. “Hey guys! Welcome, welcome, come on in.”

     “ _Merde_ ,” Lafayette hissed, and looked back to John, putting his hands together as if he were praying. “John, please? Please, please, please? I’ll be the best fake boyfriend ever, I promise.”

     John blinked, and nodded. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “Yeah, sure, Laf. I’ll… I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

     Lafayette clapped. “Oh, _fantasique_ , _merci_ _beaucoup_.” He leant in to press an enthusiastic but brief kiss to John’s cheek, and then all but skipped up the path to the front door. John followed, confused by the turn of events, but, hey, it wasn’t as if he was going to complain.

 

     They caught up with the others as they entered the Schuyler home. “Is everything okay?” Alex murmured to John as they made their way to the living room, Lafayette chatting happily with Angelica.

     “Don’t freak out,” John said, “but this is what’s happening: Jefferson has a huge boner for Laf because he’s French, so to deter him, I’m pretending to be Laf’s boyfriend for the night.”

     Alex let out a cackle that echoed off the polished tiles and high ceilings. “ _Jefferson_?”

     John hissed at him to be quiet. “Don’t fuck it up for Laf, all right?”

     Alex shook his head. “Oh, no,” he said earnestly, “any chance to piss Jefferson off is something I will never pass up. Laf really is just irresistible.”

     John chuckled. “Well, we knew _that_ already.”

     “Does Herc know?”

     “Not yet, but we’ll tell him.”

 

     Just before they reached the living room, John grabbed Hercules. “Has Laf told you?”

     “That you two are fake dating? Yep.” Hercules gave him a wink. “You’re a lucky son of a bitch, Laurens.”

     John smirked. “Well, it’s obvious he’d pick me. Have you seen me?”

     Hercules laughed and patted John on the back. “Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, man.”

     John was just about to ask – indignantly – what he meant by that when Lafayette’s hand slipped into his, their fingers intertwining. “I hope you’re good at acting, _mon ami_ ,” Lafayette whispered in his ear, and John felt a tingle go through him.

     There would be no acting required tonight.

     It was always good to see the Schuyler sisters. John enjoyed their company immensely. Pizza nights with Angelica, Eliza and Peggy were always a fun time.

     They were a little less fun considering that Angelica had a strict ‘no alcohol because y’all are underage’ policy, but, still, sometimes it was good to be reminded that you didn’t need to be drunk to have a great time.

     Eliza, in a Cookie Monster onesie, and Peggy, in a Winnie the Pooh onesie, swept all four of them into big bear hugs when they entered the living room, asking them how they’d been and how were their courses going and what had been happening since they’d last seen them and would they like something to drink or snack on because they wouldn’t be ordering pizza until a little later but Peggy’d bought some Oreos and chips if they felt like nibbling on something to tide them over till then.

     Thomas Jefferson and James Madison were seated on the main couch, and observed the scene in silence: Jefferson with a slight sneer, and Madison merely quietly, not wanting to intrude.

     John had to gnaw on his knuckle to stop himself from laughing at the sight of Thomas Jefferson in a purple onesie. It wasn’t even a _fun_ onesie; it was just plain, with a white zipper at the front. The Jefferson of onesies. Madison was wearing what appeared to be a C-3PO onesie.

     After everyone had said their hellos, Alex stood, looking at the two, his arms crossed. “Jefferson,” he said, his voice hard. It was difficult to take him seriously with his lion tail and fluffy mane.

     “Hamilton,” Jefferson replied in his slight Virginian drawl.

     There were a few moments of tense silence, and then Eliza took Alex’s arm with a somewhat awkward chuckle. “Okay, that’s great. Alex, do you want some soda? Let’s go to the kitchen.”

     She steered him out of the room – diffusing the time bomb, clearly – and Hercules plopped himself onto the other end couch from Jefferson and Madison, making himself comfortable. He reached behind him to move his horse tail out of the way. “We watching a movie tonight?” he asked.

     Peggy shrugged, and sat next to him. “If you wanna.”

     “I’m always up for a movie.”

     “Well, we got pretty much just about every movie you could think of,” Angelica said, heading over to the bookshelf beside the huge flatscreen TV, which was crammed with DVDs.

     “I don’t know if I feel like watching a movie,” Lafayette confessed. “Can we just see how we go? John, what do you think?”

     John took a moment to realise he was playing a role. “Oh, um, I don’t know,” he said. “Whatever you want.” He almost tacked on a _sweetie_ at the end, but he decided that that would be a bit overkill.

 _For God’s sake, John, just act natural_ , John thought harshly to himself. _Don’t make a big deal out of it_.

     Lafayette smiled. “You’re sweet.”

     John tried to shake off his blush, and reached for the recently opened packet of sea salt chips on the table for something to do. Lafayette sat on one of the single couches, and patted his lap. “Come here, I want some chips.”

 _Natural natural natural natural_ , John chanted in his head as he made his way over and settled on Lafayette’s lap, on an angle, his feet hanging over the arm. Lafayette’s arm curled around his waist and the other dove into the chips.

     John could feel a number of pairs of eyes on them. Hercules’, watching curiously, his mouth twisted as he clearly tried to suppress a laugh; Peggy’s, the cogs turning in her mind as the (fake) evidence began to present itself; and Jefferson’s, which were becoming progressively narrower as he, too, started to realise that although Lafayette was a very physically affectionate person, this interaction was beginning to seem a little _too_ affectionate.

     John tried to pretend he wasn’t feeling the weight of their gazes. Lafayette fed him a chip.

     The only people who either didn’t notice or didn’t care were Angelica and Madison. Angelica was browsing the DVDs, and Madison’s gaze was focused on the chips in John’s hands.

     “Well, we don’t have to watch a movie,” Angelica said with a shrug, turning around. “We’ll just see how the night goes.”

     “Anyone for soda?” Eliza announced as she and Alex strode into the room, brandishing three large bottles and some plastic cups.

     Hercules threw a hand into the air. “Me!”

     Peggy leapt up from the couch and made grabby hands at one of the bottles. “Gimme that Sprite, I’m all about that shit.”

     “Thomas? James?” Eliza offered politely. Jefferson stood, all long limbs but strangely graceful – something that even Alex had to admit, as much as he hated to – and reached for the cups.

     “Jem?” he said, and Madison nodded.

     “Yeah, I’ll have some Coke, actually.”

     Lafayette murmured in John’s ear. “This is going really well so far.”

     “It’s only been ten minutes,” John said.

     Lafayette raised his voice to a normal speaking level. “Could you get me some Coke, please, _mon amour_?”

     John swallowed. He could get used to that nickname. “Sure thing,” he said, again about to blurt out some hideous pet name like _butternut pumpkin_ or _candy bear_ , but he quickly realised that it would never sound as romantic and cute as Lafayette’s pet name for him, so he held himself back.

     Jefferson’s grip on the Coke bottle almost slipped, and he stood, staring at John, his mouth hanging open slightly.

     It went unnoticed in the flurry of activity in the room, but John felt as if he were a rabbit that had been sighted in Jefferson’s crosshairs.

     Jefferson recovered enough to pour Madison some Coke, and John held out his hand for the bottle. “That’s fine,” he said, “I’ll just take it–”

     Jefferson put the lid back on the bottle, tightly, and set it down on the table with a slight _bang_ , leaving John’s hand hovering in the air.

     John tried not to laugh. He hated Jefferson as much as his friends did, and it was hard not to find Jefferson’s childish behaviour amusing.

     John poured Lafayette some Coke and took a sip as he made his way back to his seat. He settled onto Lafayette’s lap. “Okay, it’s kinda fun pissing Jefferson off,” he whispered, and Lafayette snorted a laugh into his cup, nodding.

     John smiled, and fiddled idly with the zipper on Lafayette’s onesie. Lafayette’s body was warm against his, and his arm around John’s waist made John feel safe and secure. This felt… nice.

     You know. In a friend-hanging-out-with-a-friend kind of way.

     The conversation flowed around them easily, like a breeze winding its way through the trees. For the sake of diplomacy, Alex and Jefferson avoided interacting in any way altogether – John guessed that Eliza, and her and Alex’s excursion to the kitchen, had something to do with that – and when they did end up speaking to one another, it swiftly devolved from taking not-so-subtle digs to openly bickering, but the Schuylers always shut it down quick smart before it escalated out of control.

     Lafayette was the perfect actor, shooting John warm smiles every now and again, rubbing his hand up and down John’s shin absentmindedly. John was curled into Lafayette almost completely, head against his shoulder, stealing sips of his Coke when he felt like it. Although it was hardly stealing: sometimes Lafayette would hand him the Coke, as if he knew instinctively when John felt like having some.

     When it was time to order pizza, John climbed off Lafayette’s lap to give the poor guy a break from being crushed – although Lafayette insisted it was “like having a Golden Retriever on my lap; would _you_ complain about having a Golden Retriever on your lap, John?” – and to stretch his legs.

     Angelica went to leave the room, and Hercules said, “Yo, Angie, where are you going? We’re just about to order.”

     “I’m getting my laptop,” Angelica replied. “Have you _tried_ ordering pizza on mobile? It’s impossible.”

     “Or we could go old-school,” Eliza said. “I think we might have some brochures. John, come with?”

     John frowned a little, but shrugged. “Uh, yeah, okay.”

     Eliza and Angelica exchanged glances that John felt held weight – but, seeing as he was not a Schuyler sister, he could not read them – and then parted ways.

     “Wait, are we using Angie’s laptop or are we getting brochures?” John said as he followed Eliza to the kitchen.

     Eliza said nothing until they’d reached their destination. Then she whirled around. “We don’t _have_ brochures for pizza, John. This is the twenty-first century. No one has brochures for pizza.”

     John pulled back indignantly. “That’s not true. We still use brochures back at our place. Loads of people do.”

     “Why?” Eliza said, looking baffled. “What’s the point–” She shook her head dismissively. “I didn’t bring you here to talk about brochures.”

     John paused. He felt his stomach drop, his brain immediately flying with things that Eliza could possibly be mad at him for. “Then what? What did I do? Did Alex say something to you?”

     Eliza frowned. “What? No, John, I’m not mad at you.”

     John took a breath. “Oh. Right. Good.”

     “Is there something…” Eliza squinted a little. “ _Should_ Alex have said something?”

     John shook his head. “No, no, I was just – y’know, because you two came here before to get drinks. Doesn’t matter. What’s up?”

     “What do you mean, _what’s up_?” Eliza said exasperatedly. “ _You and Laf_ , John. That’s what’s up. When did this happen? How? Details.”

     John panicked for a moment, before he realised that Jefferson and Madison were the only people who, in all actuality, didn’t have to know. He hoped that that was how Lafayette felt as well, anyway. “Oh, that.” He chuckled. “Um, that’s not… It’s not an actual thing.”

     Eliza gave him a wild look. “‘Not an actual thing’? John, get your shit together, son. You two are clearly head-over-heels for each other.”

     John felt his gut twist. “No, we’re just pretending,” he explained hastily. “Y’see, Jefferson has this nasty-ass crush on Laf, so Laf asked me to be his fake boyfriend for tonight to chase him off.”

     Eliza blinked in surprise, and then laughed, but it was more of a confused laugh than one of amusement. “Seriously?”

     “You know Jefferson. He’s relentless.”

     “Yeah, I know, I’m not doubting that. But it’s just… you and Laf looked so _real_. I mean, I genuinely believed…”

     “Good,” John said, hoping his blush wasn’t as prominent as it felt. “That’s the point.”

     Eliza narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m sensing some bullshit here, John. Are you sure there’s nothing real going on between you two?”

     “Yes,” John insisted. “Laf’s just really physically affectionate. And it’s easy to pretend. He’s really fucking hot; why wouldn’t you want him to be your boyfriend?”

     “You’re not wrong,” Eliza admitted, but she still sounded unsure. “Do you maybe like him a little bit?”

     “Everyone likes him a little bit, sweetheart,” John said, patting Eliza’s head mock-condescendingly. “The difference between us is that, tonight, I get to pretend that we make out and have hot sex all the time.”

     Eliza laughed at that. “Oh, you wish.”

     John sighed. “Yes, I do. And so do you. And so does everyone else.”

     “Except Peggy.”

     “Except Peggy,” John conceded. “And Madison. But everyone else, yes. _Especially_ Jefferson.”

     Eliza giggled. “This is crazy.”

     “It’s working,” John said.

     Eliza crossed her arms and shook her head. “There’s never a dull moment with you four, is there?”

     “We’re the life of the party,” John said with a nod. “Now go tell your sisters what’s going on before they do something that would be really inconvenient, like ask Laf when he and I started dating in front of everyone. We haven’t exactly hashed anything out yet.”

     “On it,” Eliza said, pulling out her phone as they began walking back to the living room. “Oh, John?”

     “Yeah?”

     “Just for the record, you and Laf would make a super cute couple. Like, a real one.”

     Alex and Hercules popped into John’s mind, and suddenly, something didn’t sit right in his stomach. “Uh, thanks,” he said.

     When they re-entered the living room, they found everyone crowded around Angelica’s laptop, lying on the floor in front of the TV. “…not getting _pasta_ from a _pizza place_ ,” Alex was saying.

     “I am allowed to have pasta,” Jefferson said, slowly, as if Alex was stupid. “They serve it; therefore I can order it.”

     “It doesn’t fucking matter if they serve it,” Alex said. “That’s a crime against everything good. If you want your fucking mac and cheese, go somewhere else. I’m sure they have plenty of it back where you came from, in Hell.”

     “Alex, Tom, shut up,” Peggy said sharply.

     “Or neither of you will get to pick anything and you’ll just have to eat whatever’s given to you,” Angelica added.

     Alex and Jefferson glared at each other, but didn’t say another word.

     “Where we getting pizza from?” John said, and Lafayette turned towards him at the sound of his voice, looking at him like he’d just saved Christmas from the Grinch.

     “There you are!” he cried, getting to his feet. He bounded over and wrapped John up in his arms, kissing his temple. “I missed you.”

     John’s stomach was alive with butterflies. “I was only in the kitchen,” he said.

     Lafayette smiled. “Let me be dramatic, _mon coeur_ ,” he said, pressing another kiss to John’s temple, and didn’t _that_ pet name just punch John in the gut. Lafayette’s hands slid down to grab onto John’s ass. “And I missed _this_.”

     John jumped, and he knew his face was a bright red. He tried to play it off like Lafayette had just surprised him, but, like, yeah, this was totally something that happened all the time because they were totally a couple that touched each other’s butts because that’s what couples do.

     He smiled and laughed a little. “All right, calm down,” he said, resting his hands on Lafayette’s chest, because that was also a thing that couples did. “That’ll come later.” Because that was a thing that couples said. “And besides,” he added, and the words just kept tumbling out of their own accord, “we all know you like Alex’s better.” And he reached up to kiss Lafayette’s jaw, then went to look at the laptop, pretending as if his veins weren’t coursing with so much adrenaline that he felt light-headed. That was… John was pretty sure that that wasn’t a thing that couples said to each other.

     “That’s true,” Hercules piped up. “You do, Laf.”

     Lafayette waved a hand. “I hate to pick favourites.”

     John wished he had a camera to capture the look on Jefferson’s face. The guy was almost actually pouting, his lips pressed together, looking somewhere between full of rage and hopelessly confused, which made for an ugly concoction on his ugly face.

     He was glancing between John and Lafayette – and between Hercules and Alex as well.

     All four of them.

     Then his rage subsided to make way for more confusion.

     Madison was scrutinising his friend with sidelong glances, looking to be two seconds from rolling his eyes so hard that they’d disappear into his skull.

     Alex, who had only been half-listening to the conversation as he scrolled through the pizza options with Angelica and Peggy, looked over his shoulder. “Huh?”

     “We’re just discussing your _derrière_ , _mon petit lion_ ,” Lafayette said, going back to his spot on the floor, on his stomach in between Angelica and Alex. John joined him, elbowing Alex to the side to squeeze in next to his boyfriend.

     His fake boyfriend. Who was not actually his boyfriend.

     Alex snorted. “I feel I should be surprised, but I’m really not.”

     John snuck another glance at Jefferson, whose frown was deepening by the second. He exchanged a look with Madison that John supposed was supposed to mean something like _what is going on?_ , and Madison shrugged.

     “As much as I like talking about Alex’s ass,” Peggy said pointedly, “can we get back to focusing on the more important thing?”

     “ _Excusez-moi_ ,” Alex said dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest in mock-offence.

     “Alex, if you don’t focus,” Angelica said, “I’ll let Tom order the mac and cheese.”

     “Hey!” Jefferson protested. “You mean you’re _not_ going to let me order it?”

     “Shut the fuck up, Jefferson,” Alex snapped, and then paused. “Actually, no,” he said, much more calmly. “Talk all you want. I’m going to look at pizza. See, Angie? Look at me looking at pizza. I’m _so_ focused.”

     “Does he always talk this much?” Peggy stage-whispered to Hercules.

     “Yes,” Hercules stage-whispered back.

     John laughed. He felt Lafayette’s eyes on him, and turned his head, feeling a little breathless by the close proximity. “What?” he said.

     Lafayette had a small smile on his face, and he shrugged. “Nothing. You’re just cute.”

     John heard Alex take a slight, sharp intake of breath beside him, and he smiled. “Uh…” He didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t, and just buried his face into Lafayette’s shoulder to hide his smile. He knew Hercules and Alex were watching them. He didn’t know how to feel about that.

     Angelica heaved a sigh and took the laptop off the floor. “Fine,” she said. “If no one else is going to decide what they want, I’ll decide for you.”

     Lafayette gasped. “ _Non_!”

     “Meatlovers!” Hercules blurted. “I want Meatlovers!”

     “Hawaiian!” John said, and Lafayette gasped dramatically.

     “John, _no_ ,” he said. “Tell me you don’t like _pineapple_ on _pizza_.”

     “I like it too, so we’re getting it,” Angelica said, and everyone made noises of disgust and disbelief. “James? Tom?”

     “I’ll just take some of everyone else’s,” Madison said with a shrug. “I’m not fussed.”

     “Vegetarian!” Alex demanded.

     “Margarita!” Eliza cried.

     “Yes?” Peggy said.

     “Get out,” Angelica said, pointing to the archway.

     “Why can’t I have mac and cheese?” Jefferson whined.

     Alex made a sound of pure frustration, rolling eyes so hard John could barely see his irises. “ _Fine_ , someone order him his _fucking_ mac and cheese before I bash my brains out on the coffee table.”

     “I dare you,” Jefferson snapped.

     Alex moved to stand up – either to punch Jefferson in the mouth or just to be taller than him for once, John didn’t know – but Hercules grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, forcing him back down again. “Oh no you don’t.”

     Alex growled, but Hercules easily shoved him further into the carpet, and Alex slapped his hand on the ground, tapping out. “Fine, fine!”

     Hercules let him go and pointed a finger at Jefferson. “And I’ll do the exact same to you to, ya dickwad, so stop smiling like you’re the king of the fucking castle.”

     John grinned. Lafayette chuckled. “Our friends are so lovely, aren’t they?” he murmured.

     “Such gentlemen,” John added with a laugh.

     “Well, if you boys are done with your ridiculous posturing,” Eliza said from where she, Angelica and Peggy sat on the couch, “we’ve ordered the pizzas.”

     “I wasn’t posturing!” John protested.

     “You’re posturing a bit right now just by saying that, _mon amour_ ,” Lafayette said with a grimace.

     John shoved at him playfully. “I am not, _mon amour_ ,” he countered, emphasising _mon amour_ to tease.

     Lafayette’s mouth dropped open slightly, and he just stared at John, and suddenly John’s skin prickled like electricity was coursing through his veins, and did Lafayette’s gaze just land on his lips for a moment? and his heart was thrumming like the wings of a hummingbird, and–

     “As comfortable as lying on the floor looks,” Peggy said, “it’s a bit hard to hold conversation when half of us are on the couch.”

     Lafayette looked away, grinning. “But the floor is so fun, Peggy!” he said, and John needed to put his head down for a minute. “I feel like a rebellious schoolboy!”

     “First of all, you sound like someone from, like, the fifties saying ‘rebellious schoolboy’,” Peggy said. “Second of all, don’t be fucking rude. Get on the couch.” John realised that Jefferson and Madison had already moved to the couches; when had that happened?

     “Don’t quote Kim Kardashian at me to get me to do what you want,” Lafayette said, but got to his feet anyway. John, Alex, and Hercules followed – and, after a moment’s hesitation where all four of them realised there were only two spots left on the couches, almost tripped each other up racing to be the first there.

     Hercules and Lafayette may have been taller, but Alex and John were able to scramble over the coffee table – almost kicking over the bottles of soft drink and half-empty packets of chips as they did so – and dive for the couch, securing their places. Lafayette pouted. “John!” he whined. “How could you do this to me?”

     “Don’t try to guilt-trip me, I got here first fair and square,” John said.

     “Someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight,” Eliza said with a giggle.

     “That’s fine with me,” John said. _Because I’m sleeping in my own bed anyway, and definitely not in Laf’s bed, even though that would be really ni– Stop it._

     “Yeah,” Lafayette said, settling down on the floor, leaning against the single couch on which Eliza was seated, “enjoy the couch, sweetie. You’re gonna be sleeping on one for a while.”

     “You know what? I _love_ the couch,” John said, spreading his arms and letting his head fall back. “This couch is the best thing I have ever sat on.”

     “Ouch,” Peggy muttered. “You just got demoted, Laf.”

     Alex and Hercules howled, and even Angelica, Eliza and Madison started laughing. Jefferson choked a little.

     It took a moment for the meaning to click in John’s mind.

     Oh.

 _Oh_.

     He could feel his face heating up, and he glanced at Lafayette. Lafayette was playing along easily, pretending as if he’d been severely emotionally wounded, pressing a hand to his collarbones and drawing a tear pattern down his face with his finger. He noticed John looking, and smirked, throwing him a wink that made John feel _all_ kinds of things.

     Alex leant over, grinning, and said to John in a low voice, “What makes it funnier is that Peggy thinks _you’d_ be the bottom. I don’t think so.”

     John blinked. “How do you…?”

     “Oh, please. It’s so easy to tell.”

     John looked to Lafayette, then back at Alex, eyes wide. “You really think _Laf_ is… But he’s so…”

     Alex gave John a look that said _are you for real?_. “As if you haven’t thought about it. I swear we’ve talked about this in our club meetings.”

     “I think I’d remember if we had,” John said. He shook his head. “I mean, I guess I could see it, but it’s just a surprise.”

     “Well, no one would think that you’re a top, but…” Alex shrugged.

     John was even more flabbergasted. “How do you know I top?”

     “You like to tell people when you’re drunk,” Alex said.

     “John,” Hercules said, “you look like someone just told you that tomorrow you’re playing the part of Elphaba on Broadway.”

     John broke from his stupor, smiling, despite the fact that he was still frantically trying to think of what _else_ he might have told people about himself when he was drunk. “I’m fine. And anyway, I could _so_ play Elphaba on Broadway.”

     “Not with only a day’s notice,” Hercules said, shaking his head. “None of the costumes would fit you.”

     “You couldn’t hit that note in _Defying Gravity_ ,” Angelica scoffed. “Please.”

     “I so could!” John insisted. “With, y’know, a bit of warm-up. I can actually sing really well.”

     “He can,” Lafayette said with a nod. “I’ve heard him in the shower.”

     “Does he serenade you?” Eliza said.

     “He puts on whole productions,” Lafayette said. “Much more interesting to watch Les Misérables when Enjolras is naked. In fact, _everyone’s_ naked.”

     John’s head was almost spinning. Lafayette was so simply weaving a tale that didn’t exist – had never existed. But the lies were spoken so freely that John could almost believe them. He’d shared a bed with Lafayette before. And he did sing in the shower, and of course he’d sung songs from Les Misérables. How hard would it be to just slot Lafayette into those memories, have him tangled up with John, not once or twice, but every night while they slept, or standing there under the spray, laughing while John wooed him with a soulful solo rendition of _A Heart Full Of Love_?

     It was the first time John truly felt a sharp pang in his chest. He ignored it.

     “That’d be a sight to see,” Alex said, and when John glanced at him, he gave him an exaggerated wink.

     John snorted, and laughed, despite himself. “Yeah, it would, wouldn’t it,” he muttered. Because it wasn’t as if anyone had even actually seen it.

     “Well, if you’re looking for volunteers…” Hercules said, grinning, and Lafayette backhanded him on the chest.

     “You back off, _Monsieur_ ,” he exclaimed. “No one’s seeing my boyfriend naked unless I’m there too.”

     “What, to keep an eye on things?” Jefferson drawled sarcastically.

     Lafayette scoffed. “No, Thomas,” he said, as if it were a simple thing. “To join in.”

     Everyone started making suggestive _oohhh_ sounds and wolf-whistling. Jefferson blinked once. His eyes flicked from Lafayette, to John, to Hercules, to Alex, back to Lafayette. He said nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "upload the next chapter on the same day as the first" said one part of me  
> "no" said another  
> "~dooo iiiit~" the first part said  
> "no" said the other, quieter this time
> 
> bc i have no control over myself here u go

     When the pizza arrived, it was as if everyone were a flock of seagulls at the beach and someone had dropped a chip. John found himself tangled with Lafayette once again, Lafayette’s legs hooked over his. He let his hand rest on Lafayette’s thigh. It was all too easy to imagine what could happen if he were to let his hand slowly make its way further up. Maybe Lafayette would jump and bat his hand away with a promise of _Not now, but later_. Maybe Lafayette would raise an eyebrow, and get up from the couch, taking John’s hand and excusing them both, leading them to the kitchen for an amazing make-out session. Maybe Lafayette would just straight-up take John home for something else.

     Well, hypothetically. Y’know, if they actually were together. Which they weren’t.

     And so John kept his hand where it was, and let Lafayette weave his innocent white lies.

     They shared pizza. Not just the types of pizza that they’d chosen – although, that being said, Lafayette refused to eat Hawaiian on the basis that pineapple on pizza was a crime against the Universe – but slices of everyone else's as well. Lafayette would be munching on a slice, and then he’d hold it out to John, and John would take a bite. If John had a little sauce on the edge of his lips, Lafayette would wipe it off with his thumb. At one point, John somehow got some sauce on the tip of his nose – Lafayette wiped it away, and then pressed a swift kiss where the sauce had been.

     It was easy. Simple.

     Apart from the fact that John was very conscious of not being able to kiss Lafayette. He doubted that Lafayette would have any trouble with kissing him, but they hadn’t had a chance to set boundaries, so he kept his distance. But man, did John want to kiss him. Of course, he wanted to kiss him until they couldn’t breathe and to lick Lafayette’s entire body and do all _kinds_ of things that weren’t acceptable to discuss in good company; but he just wanted the domestic kind of kisses as well. Kisses on the corner of the mouth. Chaste, closed-mouth kisses on lips that just say _I’m glad I’m with you_ and _You make me happy_.

     John squashed those thoughts like they were grapes and he was an old-fashioned winemaker.

     What he _did_ revel in, however, was how Jefferson was reacting to all of this. His eyes were basically glued to Lafayette and John, and he was biting down on his pizza a little too hard, making John think that, perhaps, he was pretending it was John’s neck. He twitched whenever John made Lafayette laugh. And whenever he tried to talk to Lafayette – which, much of the time, was in French – Lafayette didn’t hesitate to shut him down. Because, in all reality, a lot of what Jefferson was saying was fucking stupid. Because Jefferson was fucking stupid.

     Well, no, that wasn’t true. Jefferson wasn’t stupid. But that made it all the more funny to see him deteriorate into a ball of barely-contained anger over something so juvenile. _The boy I have a crush on has a boyfriend and it's not me._

     When someone – John wasn’t sure who – whipped out the speakers and the music began playing, a thought popped into John’s mind.

     “Hey,” he whispered to Lafayette, “what’re the odds Jefferson is just playing _Girlfriend_ by Avril Lavigne in his head really loudly on repeat right now?”

     Lafayette burst out laughing. Jefferson’s jaw clenched tightly.

     John couldn’t help himself: he shot Jefferson the biggest shit-eating grin he’d ever had in his life.

     Jefferson leapt to his feet, and then froze, realising there were actually no solid grounds on which he could slap John in the face, and then stormed from the room. Madison locked eyes with John, and sighed, shaking his head, looking tired and disappointed. “Allosexuals,” he muttered, and followed Jefferson from the room.

     Alex and Hercules looked positively delighted. “Hey, you got him to leave!” Alex said cheerfully.

     Angelica tutted. “Guys, that’s not very nice.”

     “What?” John said. “We weren’t doing anything.”

     “You’re really hamming it up.”

     Lafayette rolled his eyes. “This is just how we are, _ma chérie_. I am French. We love loudly and freely.” He pressed a big kiss to John’s cheek, letting go with a satisfied _mwah_.

     “I don’t blame Thomas,” Peggy said. “I mean, I’m gay as fuck and even I’m getting a little jealous over here.”

     “Well, we are all painfully single,” Eliza reasoned.

     Lafayette gasped. “Are you suggesting what I think you are, Eliza?”

     “Probably not.”

     Lafayette threw his hands in the air. “Seven-way!”

     The boys laughed; the girls were repulsed. “I’m not having a _seven-way_ with my _sisters_!” Peggy cried.

     “Don’t give me some bullshit about being French,” Angelica added. “I _know_ that incest is way out of line, no matter where you come from.”

     “I’m pretty sure a seven-way would just be called an orgy, Laf,” Alex sniggered.

     “Okay, fine,” Lafayette said. “A five-way. Peggy, Angie, Eliza, you can just take turns.”

     “Why are we still discussing this?” Eliza said.

     “I’ll just tap out, I think,” Peggy said. “Having a five-way with four men is _not_ my idea of a good time.”

     “I’d rather not have the girls,” John admitted. “Having a four-way with four men _is_ my idea of a good time.”

     “John,” Lafayette said, looking a little surprised – John couldn’t tell if it was fake or genuine, “are you propositioning us? I mean, I knew we were close, but…”

     John blanched. “No, I didn’t mean… Not with _you_ guys. I’m just saying. In general. With you – ew, no. No way. Eugh.”

     Hercules sniffed. “Fine, then. Suit yourself, if we aren’t good enough for you.”

     “It’s ’cause I’m short, isn’t it?” Alex wailed, mock-devastated. “I knew it. I knew I should have had that surgery to put extra bones in my legs.”

     The sisters laughed. “You guys are ridiculous,” Eliza said fondly, shaking her head.

     “But don’t knock that four-way idea,” Peggy said. “Film it, make people buy it. You could become the next Kardashians.”

     “Peggy!” Angelica exclaimed. “Don’t encourage your friends to make a porno!”

     “Objectively speaking, they’re not bad-looking guys!” Peggy countered defensively, as if that made it okay.

     “Bags being the one in charge,” Hercules said, his hand shooting into the air.

     Alex made a sound of frustration. “ _I_ wanted to be that one.”

     “You’re too small.”

     “I can still be in charge!”

     “Bags being the little bitch,” Lafayette said.

     “Why would you want to be the bitch?” John said.

     “I’m super flexible,” Lafayette said, waggling his eyebrows.

     John sucked in a breath. “Are you now?” he said, his voice pitched a little higher than normal.

     “I mean, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” Lafayette said. “You know, being my boyfriend. _Mon coeur_. _Ma vie_. _Ma raison de vivre_.”

     “Oh yeah,” Hercules said, nodding. “I hear you guys going at it _all_ the time.”

     “I can never get anything done,” Alex said. “I walk into the kitchen, and, bam, there’s John with his dick up Laf’s ass, yet again.”

     “There isn’t one surface in the apartment that hasn’t been touched by sin,” Hercules said. “Except the ceiling. But I think I heard plans about sinning that one up, too.”

     “Oh, man,” Peggy said, “I am super excited for this porno; it sounds like it’s going to be amazing.”

     “Peggy, no,” Angelica said.

     “Peggy, yes.”

     “It’s settled,” Lafayette said, clapping his hands once. “Alex, get your MacBook Pro, we’re shooting a porno.”

     “On a MacBook Pro?” Alex said.

     “ _That’s_ what you decide to focus on in that sentence?” Eliza said.

     “What, right now?” John said.

     Lafayette stroked a hand down his chest. “ _Mon ange_ , you know I’m always ready for anything.”

     John shivered. He pretended he hadn’t.

     “Someone get Jefferson back in to direct,” Hercules said.

     Alex gagged. “Ugh, _no_. I do _not_ want him here while I’m having a foursome.”

     “So we’re all just accepting the foursome thing,” Eliza said.

     Peggy gasped. “Can I be director?”

     “No,” Angelica said firmly.

     “Of course, _ma chérie_!” Lafayette said. “This can be your directing debut. Next thing you know you’ll be winning an Oscar.”

     “Angie, you can do marketing,” John said with a laugh.

     “Eliza, you can be a stunt double,” Alex said, and Eliza gaped at him.

     “A _stunt double_?” she cried. “For who? I don’t look like any of you.”

     “For me,” Hercules said.

     “Nuh-uh,” Peggy said. “I’m not directing my sister in a porno. Also, she doesn’t have a dick. Makes things a bit tricky to be stunt double for you guys.”

     “I can’t believe I’m friends with you people,” Angelica sighed, putting her head in her hands.

     “You’re just jealous because you’re not director,” Peggy said.

     “I don’t _want_ to direct a pornographic film of our friends having a foursome!” Angelica cried.

     Jefferson and Madison took that moment to walk back into the room.

     Everything went silent, _I Will Wait_ by Mumford  & Sons playing softly in the background.

     All eyes were on Jefferson and Madison – apart from theirs, which were on Angelica.

     “Why, God?” Angelica whispered.

     “Um,” Madison said.

     “I was right,” Jefferson said. “I was, wasn’t I?”

     John frowned. “Huh?”

     “About what?” Alex said.

     “Didn’t I say, Jem?” Jefferson said. “That’s what I said.”

     Madison hesitated. “Tom, I don’t think–”

     Jefferson raised a finger, gesturing between John and his friends. “You’re… All four of you are together, aren’t you? Right? It’s not just you two–” He waved a hand at John and Lafayette, “–it’s all four of you.”

     Everyone looked at each other. _Well_ , John thought. _This is a little unexpected_.

     Alex opened his mouth. Lafayette beat him to it. “Yep,” he blurted, nodding. “ _Oui_. We’re all together. All four of us.”

     All eyes fell on Lafayette. All brows were furrowed except for Jefferson’s.

     “Uh,” Lafayette continued. “We, uh – we all live together. And we… We’re in love. And we have amazing sex.”

     John looked over at Hercules and Alex, whose eyes were wide and mouths hanging open in shock.

     There were two ways this could go, John decided:

  1. Someone could call Lafayette out, and then there would have to be some explaining to do as to _why_ Lafayette would lie about that;
  2. Everyone could just go with it to save face. It was too late now.



     John nodded once. Go hard or go home.

     “It’s true,” he said.

     Hercules and Alex hesitated, and then, seeing that John was going with it, nodded. “Yup,” Alex said.

     “You caught us,” Hercules added.

     Jefferson threw his hands in the air. “I _told_ you, Jem. See?”

     Madison frowned. “You sure did,” he said, looking thoroughly confused.

     The Schuyler sisters hadn’t said a word. They continued to not say a word.

     Alex leant over and kissed Hercules on the cheek, and took his hand. “We’re very happy together,” he said.

     More nodding.

     Jefferson’s eyes fell on Lafayette, and he looked almost sad. Defeated, perhaps. John felt his heart swell with joy. “Right.”

     “Great sex,” Lafayette reiterated. “All the time.”

     “We can’t get enough of it,” Hercules said, but his voice was tight now – he was very clearly trying not to laugh.

     Jefferson shifted uncomfortably, and Madison screwed up his nose a little. “That’s…” Jefferson cleared his throat. “Okay. Sure.”

     There were a few seconds of awkward silence, John and his friends hiding their barely-suppressed laughter behind their hands, and then Angelica stood up. “Does anyone want some ice cream?”

 

     It was late when the boys got back home. “That was probably the weirdest thing that has ever happened,” Hercules said with a laugh as soon as they got in the door.

     “Did you see Jefferson’s _face_?” Alex cried. “Oh my God. Amazing. I will treasure those memories forever.”

     “Still,” John reasoned, “it was a fun night.”

     “You say that like pretending to have three boyfriends could have somehow made it _less_ fun,” Lafayette said. “I’m hurt, John.”

     “No, I only had three pretend boyfriends for _part_ of the night,” John corrected him. “I only had one pretend boyfriend for most of the night.”

     “And how was that?”

     John shrugged. “Eh, it was fine.”

     Lafayette gasped, offended, and John laughed.

     “I would’ve made a much better fake boyfriend,” Alex said.

     “I would’ve made the _best_ fake boyfriend,” Hercules said.

     Lafayette laughed and waved a hand. “Boys, boys, calm down,” he said. “There’s plenty of me to go around. I’m sure Peggy’s offer’s still open, if you’re willing.”

     And with that, he shot them a flirty grin, and disappeared down the hallway.

     The three boys left in his wake stared at each other. “I can never tell if he’s joking when he says shit like that,” Alex whispered.

     “Do you wanna… We could ask him?” John said unsurely.

     “I mean…” Hercules hesitated. “It’s kind of a big deal, I don’t know…”

     “Let’s just leave it,” Alex said. “Who knows? Maybe one day it’ll happen.”

     John regarded his friends. Peggy was right: they _were_ all hot.

     “Yeah,” he said. “Maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs* i have NO idea what that was

**Author's Note:**

> pls let me know of any mistakes with the french, i tried to keep it simple but i have never spoken french in my life so <3


End file.
